Satisfied in His Supremacy

It is something of a rare inclination in my mind or heart that leads me to post on this blog, but it typically happens when out of the stew of my daily reflections emerges something that has some measure of definition or completion to it. Thus, sensing that what I have just transcribed from my journal below is a landmark expression of what's happening in my heart at this pivotal time in my life, I set it here among other such writings in recent years.

6/26/2012 -- Finland. Erkki's house, 10:09 PM.
Interesting day. Slept in, breakfast w/ Erkki, prayed & spoke much. He wanted to pray and did, I kept largely quiet til he suggested I say something aloud. As I began to pull up what was in my heart, the passion reached my eyes before my mouth and tears came before words. I fought for control and pushed the words out that I could.

My confusion is deep, my trials are many, my assurance is thin, my vision is short, my affliction is great -- but life is neither centered around nor dependent upon me. My heart's desire is to glorify Your name, and I know you are able and willing to do that in me. I know that despite my lostness and inadequacy and hurts and helplessness and weakness, you will glorify yourself in me, in my life. So I wait. I put to death over and again the Taylor that longs to worry, to seek his own, to get answers quickly, to have meaning and significance and understanding. I put these to death that God might enjoy supremacy in my heart -- that He become supreme over even my desire to live a worthy, meaningful life.

Establishing my significance is not the goal; exalting God's is. Thus if I am confident in God's intent and ability to uplift His significance in me, then my significance in Him is no longer a relevant worry or pursuit. I don't need to know that you'll use me; I need only to know that your purposes will be accomplished in me. This is my satisfaction and joy and delight and thrill -- that Your glory be praised to the fullest extent possible in my life.

I need no accolades from among men on earth nor angels in heaven; nor must I have the personal satisfaction of having myself built some great monument in your honor. I need only to know that my kernel was indeed planted for your sovereign purposes and your supreme glory.

Indeed, You have no need that men should serve you or your purposes; but that I might find rest for my weary soul, it is my need to exalt your worth to its due place in my heart. There do I find contentment, and in this contentment I must fight to remain, for it is only from that position that my truest and deepest and most worthy worship comes forth.

So I pray, God, vanquish the enemies of Your supreme reign over my heart's affections; preserve my heart for Yourself, that I might honor you fully! This is my deepest desire, the one You gave me -- the living, breathing reality of my salvation. Now teach me only to live from this position, to exalt Your worth in my heart and before all men, that I might truly be to the praise of Your glory. May my life be a strong, sweet fragrance to those who are being saved; may it be a loud song of praise to Your name among the nations! May You draw all men -- these precious ones across Europe, and those in Louisiana, and those in Brazil and India and Panama and Cambodia and Honduras and Singapore and Bhutan and Haiti and Myannmar and Niger --  O draw all of them to Yourself as you are lifted up in me and in your saints! O that the nations praise you and be glad in you, matchless God of glory!

Why I'm in France

Luke 16:11

“If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust you the true riches?”

It’s 2am here in Paris, but I am jetlagged and excited about this verse, so I thought I’d take a second and share something I got out of reading tonight.

Let me begin by saying I believe the apostle Paul perfectly summed up how we Christians ought to live our lives in Phil. 3:12: “I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me.” I structure my life and make my decisions based upon the Holy Spirit’s moving me closer to obtaining, or becoming, whatever it was that Jesus had it mind for me to obtain or become when he suffered and bled for me.

Every inch I get closer to this goal is more valuable than every mile of hardship, difficulty, and expense I’ll have faced in order to get it. These “inches” are the “true riches” of which Jesus speaks in Luke 16. The “unrighteous wealth,” in my view, is the other aspects of life that each of us must manage in order to reach God’s intent: education, talent, money, time, experience, culture, relationships, health, etc.

The “true riches” are the only measure of my life’s value before God, but there are prerequisites and/or supplements to His perfect will. Thus we must be whole in our development, creating value in each area of “unrighteous wealth.” But all is nothing without “true riches.” It’s like my MacBook with all the components but a dead battery: useless. Intimacy with God powers the effectiveness of my life in accordance with his will. It brings life and meaning and fulfillment to what is otherwise full of form but without power.

So why am I here in France? I have a responsibility to develop and manage the “unrighteous wealth” of my life. I must develop the gifts he’s given me (language), move forward in the assignment he’s given me (school), and pursue the inclinations he’s put on my heart (knowing and understanding the world). The point in all of it, though, is only to obtain and make way for the “true riches” of intimacy with God to be fully developed within and expressed through my life.

I will gladly manage a mountain of “unrighteous wealth” if I might only gain another ounce of “true riches!” This pursuit has brought me into many situations and places and experiences in life, but the common denominator is a relentless pursuit of the gold, silver, and precious stones of a life lived for the sake of true riches. I am chasing the will of God wherever He leads me on this earth, even covering thousands of miles to gain just a few precious inches closer to His heart!

Wake Up!

This weekend, at my mom's suggestion, I listened to a message by Paul Daugherty of Victory Christian Center in Tulsa, OK. It shook me.

It was not the content of his message, his engaging speaking style, or some sense of anointing or mandate I saw on him. It was not eloquence, practicality, gifting, or even spiritual substance. No, there was something in his preaching that was more impacting, more powerful than any other ingredient in existence. In a word, it was HEART.

You know, I am a pretty big sports fan. In sports, I like to see winners win. I like to see players like Roger Federer and Tiger Woods enjoy reigns of dominance in a sport. It's the same reason I will be going for the Pats in the Super Bowl this year. I like to see winners win because it proves that their victories were not flukes. There is greatness in their talent, and it is being fully exploited by the effort and heart that they put into their game. Today I saw the highlight from Novak Djokovich's win over Nadal for the Aussie Open. You couldn't help but feel something well inside you as he raised his hands and shouted at the top of his lungs in victory!

In contrast, I'm reminded of the start of the Vikings' season this year with Donovan McNabb in at QB. Hopes were high for the season, but things didn't go well the first few games and we Vikings fans were quite surprised. Week after week, Coach Frazier would come out for the postgame press conferences and cite some new area we're going to work on or measures we're taking to become victorious. Still, as the season progressed, the team did not come together, issues were not fixed, and we ended up 3-13.

The most influential people in this world are not those who have ingeniously planned out every aspect of their lives and executed some master plan that propels them into destiny. They are people who dream, who are driven beyond the extremities of their ability and will stop at nothing to achieve victory. Thinking along these lines in recent month, I once wrote this note down in my phone: "People do not follow complex conclusions, but simple passion."

I have simply decided that in my one-shot life on this earth, if I am going to be an expert at anything, I am going to be an expert at having a simple passion for the life that Jesus had in mind for me to live as he hung on the cross for my redemption. This is my debt, my purpose, my worship, my joy, and my passion.

But it is this very thing that is most elusive. I have spent many moments of prayer asking, pleading, and begging the Lord with tears to keep my heart His own. I'm reminded of the scripture: "Guard your heart above all else; for it determines the course of your life" (Prov. 4:23, NLT). First priority is not DOING things for God; it's remaining UNDONE by Him. If I can remain pliable in the Potter's hands, he is faithful to shape the life of His intent in me.

It was that elusive simplicity and sincerity of Pr. Paul's heart that GRIPPED me in his preaching. It reminded me of those many nights of tears and pleadings. I heard in Pr. Paul's words and shouts and claps God's passion for my heart to be fully His. It was the Lord calling me out of the callousness of heart that comes with busyness and preoccupation and entertainment and social and family drama.

All that is not life!! The scripture states it so clearly: "Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God's Son does not have life" (1 John 5:12). The quality of life I lived in God's eyes is determined by this one sole factor.

He's calling. His blood cries out from the ground for us to hear. "Today, if you hear his voice, don't harden your hearts" (Hebrews 4:7). O Jesus, whatever the cost to me and my interests, whatever expense to my agenda, whatever it means for my plans and my comfort, may the sound of Your call always reach my ears, and may my heart be forever softened, my will be forever broken to listen, to turn back to You and to obey. May you have all my heart, all my focus, and all my fight, forever. May the last breath of my body, tear from my eye, beat of my heart, fiber in my being, and drop of my blood be spent for You.