Satisfied in His Supremacy

It is something of a rare inclination in my mind or heart that leads me to post on this blog, but it typically happens when out of the stew of my daily reflections emerges something that has some measure of definition or completion to it. Thus, sensing that what I have just transcribed from my journal below is a landmark expression of what's happening in my heart at this pivotal time in my life, I set it here among other such writings in recent years.

6/26/2012 -- Finland. Erkki's house, 10:09 PM.
Interesting day. Slept in, breakfast w/ Erkki, prayed & spoke much. He wanted to pray and did, I kept largely quiet til he suggested I say something aloud. As I began to pull up what was in my heart, the passion reached my eyes before my mouth and tears came before words. I fought for control and pushed the words out that I could.

My confusion is deep, my trials are many, my assurance is thin, my vision is short, my affliction is great -- but life is neither centered around nor dependent upon me. My heart's desire is to glorify Your name, and I know you are able and willing to do that in me. I know that despite my lostness and inadequacy and hurts and helplessness and weakness, you will glorify yourself in me, in my life. So I wait. I put to death over and again the Taylor that longs to worry, to seek his own, to get answers quickly, to have meaning and significance and understanding. I put these to death that God might enjoy supremacy in my heart -- that He become supreme over even my desire to live a worthy, meaningful life.

Establishing my significance is not the goal; exalting God's is. Thus if I am confident in God's intent and ability to uplift His significance in me, then my significance in Him is no longer a relevant worry or pursuit. I don't need to know that you'll use me; I need only to know that your purposes will be accomplished in me. This is my satisfaction and joy and delight and thrill -- that Your glory be praised to the fullest extent possible in my life.

I need no accolades from among men on earth nor angels in heaven; nor must I have the personal satisfaction of having myself built some great monument in your honor. I need only to know that my kernel was indeed planted for your sovereign purposes and your supreme glory.

Indeed, You have no need that men should serve you or your purposes; but that I might find rest for my weary soul, it is my need to exalt your worth to its due place in my heart. There do I find contentment, and in this contentment I must fight to remain, for it is only from that position that my truest and deepest and most worthy worship comes forth.

So I pray, God, vanquish the enemies of Your supreme reign over my heart's affections; preserve my heart for Yourself, that I might honor you fully! This is my deepest desire, the one You gave me -- the living, breathing reality of my salvation. Now teach me only to live from this position, to exalt Your worth in my heart and before all men, that I might truly be to the praise of Your glory. May my life be a strong, sweet fragrance to those who are being saved; may it be a loud song of praise to Your name among the nations! May You draw all men -- these precious ones across Europe, and those in Louisiana, and those in Brazil and India and Panama and Cambodia and Honduras and Singapore and Bhutan and Haiti and Myannmar and Niger --  O draw all of them to Yourself as you are lifted up in me and in your saints! O that the nations praise you and be glad in you, matchless God of glory!

Why I'm in France

Luke 16:11

“If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust you the true riches?”

It’s 2am here in Paris, but I am jetlagged and excited about this verse, so I thought I’d take a second and share something I got out of reading tonight.

Let me begin by saying I believe the apostle Paul perfectly summed up how we Christians ought to live our lives in Phil. 3:12: “I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me.” I structure my life and make my decisions based upon the Holy Spirit’s moving me closer to obtaining, or becoming, whatever it was that Jesus had it mind for me to obtain or become when he suffered and bled for me.

Every inch I get closer to this goal is more valuable than every mile of hardship, difficulty, and expense I’ll have faced in order to get it. These “inches” are the “true riches” of which Jesus speaks in Luke 16. The “unrighteous wealth,” in my view, is the other aspects of life that each of us must manage in order to reach God’s intent: education, talent, money, time, experience, culture, relationships, health, etc.

The “true riches” are the only measure of my life’s value before God, but there are prerequisites and/or supplements to His perfect will. Thus we must be whole in our development, creating value in each area of “unrighteous wealth.” But all is nothing without “true riches.” It’s like my MacBook with all the components but a dead battery: useless. Intimacy with God powers the effectiveness of my life in accordance with his will. It brings life and meaning and fulfillment to what is otherwise full of form but without power.

So why am I here in France? I have a responsibility to develop and manage the “unrighteous wealth” of my life. I must develop the gifts he’s given me (language), move forward in the assignment he’s given me (school), and pursue the inclinations he’s put on my heart (knowing and understanding the world). The point in all of it, though, is only to obtain and make way for the “true riches” of intimacy with God to be fully developed within and expressed through my life.

I will gladly manage a mountain of “unrighteous wealth” if I might only gain another ounce of “true riches!” This pursuit has brought me into many situations and places and experiences in life, but the common denominator is a relentless pursuit of the gold, silver, and precious stones of a life lived for the sake of true riches. I am chasing the will of God wherever He leads me on this earth, even covering thousands of miles to gain just a few precious inches closer to His heart!

Wake Up!

This weekend, at my mom's suggestion, I listened to a message by Paul Daugherty of Victory Christian Center in Tulsa, OK. It shook me.

It was not the content of his message, his engaging speaking style, or some sense of anointing or mandate I saw on him. It was not eloquence, practicality, gifting, or even spiritual substance. No, there was something in his preaching that was more impacting, more powerful than any other ingredient in existence. In a word, it was HEART.

You know, I am a pretty big sports fan. In sports, I like to see winners win. I like to see players like Roger Federer and Tiger Woods enjoy reigns of dominance in a sport. It's the same reason I will be going for the Pats in the Super Bowl this year. I like to see winners win because it proves that their victories were not flukes. There is greatness in their talent, and it is being fully exploited by the effort and heart that they put into their game. Today I saw the highlight from Novak Djokovich's win over Nadal for the Aussie Open. You couldn't help but feel something well inside you as he raised his hands and shouted at the top of his lungs in victory!

In contrast, I'm reminded of the start of the Vikings' season this year with Donovan McNabb in at QB. Hopes were high for the season, but things didn't go well the first few games and we Vikings fans were quite surprised. Week after week, Coach Frazier would come out for the postgame press conferences and cite some new area we're going to work on or measures we're taking to become victorious. Still, as the season progressed, the team did not come together, issues were not fixed, and we ended up 3-13.

The most influential people in this world are not those who have ingeniously planned out every aspect of their lives and executed some master plan that propels them into destiny. They are people who dream, who are driven beyond the extremities of their ability and will stop at nothing to achieve victory. Thinking along these lines in recent month, I once wrote this note down in my phone: "People do not follow complex conclusions, but simple passion."

I have simply decided that in my one-shot life on this earth, if I am going to be an expert at anything, I am going to be an expert at having a simple passion for the life that Jesus had in mind for me to live as he hung on the cross for my redemption. This is my debt, my purpose, my worship, my joy, and my passion.

But it is this very thing that is most elusive. I have spent many moments of prayer asking, pleading, and begging the Lord with tears to keep my heart His own. I'm reminded of the scripture: "Guard your heart above all else; for it determines the course of your life" (Prov. 4:23, NLT). First priority is not DOING things for God; it's remaining UNDONE by Him. If I can remain pliable in the Potter's hands, he is faithful to shape the life of His intent in me.

It was that elusive simplicity and sincerity of Pr. Paul's heart that GRIPPED me in his preaching. It reminded me of those many nights of tears and pleadings. I heard in Pr. Paul's words and shouts and claps God's passion for my heart to be fully His. It was the Lord calling me out of the callousness of heart that comes with busyness and preoccupation and entertainment and social and family drama.

All that is not life!! The scripture states it so clearly: "Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God's Son does not have life" (1 John 5:12). The quality of life I lived in God's eyes is determined by this one sole factor.

He's calling. His blood cries out from the ground for us to hear. "Today, if you hear his voice, don't harden your hearts" (Hebrews 4:7). O Jesus, whatever the cost to me and my interests, whatever expense to my agenda, whatever it means for my plans and my comfort, may the sound of Your call always reach my ears, and may my heart be forever softened, my will be forever broken to listen, to turn back to You and to obey. May you have all my heart, all my focus, and all my fight, forever. May the last breath of my body, tear from my eye, beat of my heart, fiber in my being, and drop of my blood be spent for You.

Some Thoughts

1 Cor. 15:1-2 (NLT) - "Let me remind you of the Good News that I preached to you before...it is this Good News that saves you, if you continue to believe."

“let me remind you” - often we need to go back. Not back in progress, but back to progress. It was never knowledge, never power, never strategy, never influence, never esteem, never skill, never gifts. We must always bear this in mind. May we never ascend so high in our understanding, in our giftings, that we lose touch with the simple gospel that sets us free.

“of the Good News” - when all is said and done -- when we are finished scrambling about, attempting to address problems we don’t understand with a capacity we don’t possess -- when we have learned to quiet ourselves, when our best efforts have proven inadequate, when our deepest insights have proven shallow, when our highest pursuits have proven empty, when our passion wanes, when our hands tire, when our hearts grow faint, when our bodies collapse -- we will be left with nothing but this. The Good News. And it is, and has always been, enough.

“that I preached to you before” - O that cherished “before”! Those who have seen, those whose hearts have been opened, all have a “before.” Before life was this busy. Before I had these questions. Before I faced this opposition. Before I was hurt. Before I messed up. Before I was confused. Before I lost faith. Before I gave up. Before, when I dreamed. Before, when I burned. Before, when it was real. Before, when it was alive. Before, when it was pure. Before, when it was everything. Where have we gone? How have we come here? Does hope yet remain?

“it is the Good News that saves you” - Present tense. Those who are perishing are perishing; those who are being saved are being saved. Like everything else in the Christian life, salvation is not a box we check so we can move forward. It is the experience of a life redeemed. It is the state of right standing with God, of open and intimate relationship with Him; it is a place of safety, a place of trust, a place of fulfillment, a place of reliance, of satisfaction, of peace, of joy. It is -- not because of effort, but by grace through faith.

“if you continue to believe” -- When we find ourselves lacking, what is the solution? If we have already gone wrong, if we have been distracted or discouraged or defeated -- what is left? Simply put, Jesus has no plans to die again. Nothing has changed from His end. He is equally victorious, he is equally good, he is equally loving, he is equally mighty to save, equally able to deliver, equally ready to forgive, equally powerful to restore, equally intent on leading unto destiny, and equally calling for you to come. There is nothing but the Word, nothing but the Good News. Will we receive it, humbled as we may have become by our own inadequacies?

I am reminded of a dazzled Peter, peering through the darkness to see the Son of God walking toward his boat on the water. What was it that inclined him to say, “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come”? When it seems that Jesus stands on the other side of my inadequacy, may I never be found among those still in the boat! May I always find in the sight of His face all the courage I need to answer his call to “come.”

The Time Has Come

A familiar path lies ahead

Known to my heart, not to my head

I have seen it without seeing

Been there without being

Here without, but away within

Gone in spirit where time’s not been

What lies ahead not presently known

Yet certainly soon to be shown

I cannot stop, cannot stray

From this path that you have laid

Before my feet, so on I walk

Compelled and called to “come and talk”

Onward drawn, a great heart Beat

Signals to my drudging feet

“The time has come, you’ve counted the cost -

pick up now, lest your time’s lost!”

Left with nothing lest I obey

I’ll stop at nothing but to remain

Wholly yours, having taken hold

Of Your intent - faith pure as gold

Not cheaply wrought of only talk

But through the flames bravely walked

Head in the clouds, but feet on earth

Living a life of eternal worth

Heaven beckons

And my heart’s reckoned

Dead completely to this life

Quelled completely my inner strife

To none but you I’ll myself give

For by your words is my life lived

The cost I’ve counted, and it is great

But your worth surpasses, your love outweighs

Compelled by love, consumed by truth

I’m beyond persuaded there’s none but you

So to the end, I set my face

Like flint toward sufficient grace

To attain the prize that lies before -

Jesus Christ - my great reward!

The Jump

I am so fired up I can't put it into words. There are some things that you cannot articulate because no selection of vernacular could possibly do it justice. So I find myself, unable to sleep, unable even to think, but compelled to do something. I must let something out.

I feel as though the reality of Life -- the divine life of God's intent, my life's singular passion and pursuit -- dangles over my head, inches away. Its weight is so immense that although I am separated from it by space, I can feel it as one can feel the heat from a fire standing many feet away. Just the feeling of its immensity, of its significance, of its worth so close to me is beyond my ability to bear.

I find myself in a familiar predicament. On my spirit man's tongue I sense a sour flavor as one might imagine how a food item tastes seconds before it is in his mouth. It is the place where one stands on the precipice of surrender. His feet remain on familiar spiritual ground - the ground that though once was a steep, seemingly insurmountable mountain has become nothing more than an infinite plateau.

There is only one way off the plateau. It is not rolling up one's sleeves and attempting to climb higher; there is nothing to climb. Only a precipice. All that is to be seen below is mist; he does not know where or whether he will land.

But what will he do? In the very fiber of his being is this force that has inexplicably driven him onward through years and tears, through evils within and evils without, through joys and pains, through trials and flames. It was this burning force that corralled him through the deserts, drug him through the valleys, and pushed up the cliffs until finally he was driven to this place.

It's different this time. It's different because there are no more steps to be taken. Even if he decided to drudge on, there is no ground upon which to tread -- there are no footholds, no dunes, no steep rock faces. There is nothing.

What does one whose basest inclination, whose life's essence is movement -- what does he do when he reaches the end of road? He would go anywhere, scale any wall, climb any mountain, cross any bridge, drudge through the deepest swamp, walk through an ocean of desert -- but there is nothing. Only a cliff.

He knows the answer before the thought is even articulate in his mind. There are but two options: stop, or jump. He cannot stop. Stopping is a joke of an action. To stop is to contradict all that he has come to be. He could not stop if he tried. No, he must jump.

Still, he cannot help but take a moment to process the implications of this decision before he takes the plunge. To jump is to leave familiarity completely. It is a paradigm shift on his journey. He has come to the place where steps no longer suffice. He has been brought to the place where he will no longer be able to control his pace, his trajectory, or his routine. There is nothing to be known about the new journey before he jumps. There is no preparation for it, no insight. To leave this cliff is to leave any inkling of control, any semblance of logical certainty, forever.

But he must jump. As he inches toward the cliff, he begins to feel as though this jump will somehow take him higher. He dreams that it will take him where he has heretofore been unable to go. He dares to imagine that he will somehow be carried even farther than he had ever hoped, blissfully plummeting into a destiny yet unknown, into territory yet unoccupied, into lands yet uncharted.

He thinks of his heroes in the journey. Could this be the place they jumped? Or had he finally made it to a place even they had not yet been? Something tells him, "Not yet." But on he goes, unable to do anything but yield to the fire inside that will not allow him even to slow down. O that he would reach the end, having given all he had and more, having blazed a trail for many to follow!

He leaps. His figure fades into the mist. Time will tell the world where his leap has taken him; but as he falls, he smiles, feeling as though he may as well have already arrived.

An "Update"

I try to avoid clichés as much as possible, but sometimes clichés enjoy their presence in our vernacular and pools of thought for a good reason.

The nearness, importance, and desperate need of the harvest is something that ought never leave our minds and hearts. I started tweeting about it but I didn't want to go Rodney Howard-Browne on you guys, so let me just say that this has really been striking thus far into the trip. My perspective is always opened to a new level when I leave the country; that is, my perspective of the harvest.

Everywhere I look here, there is just need. Need for vessels, need for laborers. If the harvest were any nearer, we would be doing the work by accident. The world is so big, and it is also so lost. There are so few who are found, and even of those but a mere handful swing the sickle.

And all the while, God is calling. The blood of Jesus calls out from the ground, even as the blood of Abel cried out to God. The cry is a cry of injustice. Jesus did not wait for a petition from men aware of their eternal plight before coming. He just came, spoke the truth, subjected himself to the cross, rose again, and sat in heaven. He has more than done his part.

I am tired of hearing preachers say we need to go to the lost, I am tired of their congregations nodding their heads and shouting, and I am tired of the lost of whom they speak remaining in darkness.

Whether from inaction or ineffective action on the church's part, the harvest all to often goes untouched. This is because the bridge between the results of active compassion and the spiritual poverty of inactive complacency is suffering. The will of God is accomplished through no other means than the painful crucifixion of the flesh and its subsequent resurrection by the power of God. Indeed, the cross is our model, not our shrine.

When we say we are in need of laborers, we are in need of sufferers. The suffering is that which distinguishes God's laborers. God must first win the battle for your heart if it is from the abundance of your heart that the lost will hear of Him. A heart that is not his will do no good. The degree to which I am purely God's is the degree to which I will be effective in the harvest. It costs the pleasure of the carnal and the ease of the natural to find true satisfaction in God. It costs.

So the need of the harvest cries out to us in their need of the delivering power of the blood, and His spilled blood calls to us for the sake of His cause, which is the harvest.

Now the call of the cross is the call to pay the price. The motivation for the call is the cross itself. "For Christ's love compels us." The cross reveals the love, the nature of God; it is a call to be His. Let's answer his call.

There is much more I have brewing in me, but this will have to do for now. I know perhaps an "update blog" is typically less spiritual, but this is what's really going on with the trip. I can tell you about conferences and outreaches and churches and services and you still have no idea what is happening with me. I'm sure I will write more about that later.