Simon the Sorcerer

This started as an entry for my private journal, but kind of went more in the direction of a message or blog, so I figure I'm probably landing somewhere in between. Forgive me if it's a little raw :)

Acts 8:9-11

9 A man named Simon had been a sorcerer there for many years, amazing the people of Samaria and claiming to be someone great. 10 Everyone, from the least to the greatest, often spoke of him as “the Great One—the Power of God.”11 They listened closely to him because for a long time he had astounded them with his magic.

So what we know is at some point young Simon got into sorcery and so enjoyed the attention and praise it got him that he went deeper into it (for many years), developed a whole persona (Claiming to be someone great) and identity from it. Stuck out to me reading yesterday "everyone, from the least to the greatest, spoke of him". So that means the rumors of the street rats all the way to the high society, governors and wealthy folks, knew about Simon and thought he was something special. A whole city. He had them at his beck and call, had their attention.

But now the people believed Philip’s message of Good News concerning the Kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ. As a result, many men and women were baptized. 13 Then Simon himself believed and was baptized. He began following Philip wherever he went, and he was amazed by the signs and great miracles Philip performed.

This has always intrigued me. "Simon himself believed and was baptized." This is a Biblical record of someone "believing" on Christ and performing the rite of baptism. But from the outset we are meant to doubt the authenticity of his conversion. He is fixated on the influence of Philip that comes from signs and wonders he performed, which astounded even "the Great One." 

18 When Simon saw that the Spirit was given when the apostles laid their hands on people, he offered them money to buy this power. 19 “Let me have this power, too,” he exclaimed, “so that when I lay my hands on people, they will receive the Holy Spirit!”

Now here comes the kicker - Simon "sees" that the people receive the Holy Spirit (Probably because they start speaking in tongues). This so amazes him that he can no longer just stand by in awe. He wants the attention that comes from these wonders. He learned all the right religious language ("lay my hands", "receive the Holy Spirit"), but he had the wrong heart. He wasn't in it for God's glory or people's benefit in Him. He was in it for his appetite for attention. 

20 But Peter replied, “May your money be destroyed with you for thinking God’s gift can be bought! 21 You can have no part in this, for your heart is not right with God.22 Repent of your wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive your evil thoughts, 23 for I can see that you are full of bitter jealousy and are held captive by sin.”

Peter reacts strongly, because Simon's wrong motives are obvious, even though Simon probably thought everyone would assume he's just like them. He was lost in his dysfunction, which was blinding him from the obvious and clouding his ability to perceive reality, much less receive the truth and power of the Gospel. 

Couple of things here:

1. "Your heart is not right with God" - Peter immediately invalidates Simon's very salvation, despite his "belief" and baptism. 
2. "Repent of your wickedness" - Peter calls on him to repent. Tough love here from an authority figure. He's focused on (1) protecting the purity God's work in Samaria and (2) Simon's soul. 
3. "you are full of bitter jealousy and are held captive by sin" - ESV says "you are in the gall of bitterness and the bond of iniquity." Not only does Peter call on Simon to repent of his wickedness (or appeal to him to receive salvation) but he also identifies the issue that is actually perverting his judgment and keeping him from doing so: bitterness and bondage. 

24 “Pray to the Lord for me,” Simon exclaimed, “that these terrible things you’ve said won’t happen to me!”

This response has always bothered me, and rightly so, for it's clear that Simon still doesn't get it. He shows genuine alarm at the effects of his sin, but has no concept of where even to begin to get out of the mess he's in. He's completely lost in his dysfunction.

If satan can't keep people from coming into contact with the gospel, he's going to try to keep them from perceiving its reality. He will "darken the minds of unbelievers to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God" (2 Cor 4:4). 

We don't understand our apparent lack of effectiveness with certain people or "harvest fields" because we don't understand the weapons of the enemy. Our intel is inferior and as a result we are overmatched. We think it's purely an issue of occupying territory (the information reaching their ears), but don't realize that under the surface there is a well-established web of insurgency that has burrowed down deep into the fabric of people's souls. This is where a cheap, shallow, informational Gospel will simply not do justice. If we truly want to see this glorious gospel in action, we cannot stop at mere proclamation but must press on to see its true power released. The message of the cross is not merely a story upon which if mental assent is given, salvation is in exchange afforded. The work of the cross in its fullness penetrates into our deepest wounds and needs, and breaks the yoke of bondage that the enemy has cast. Jesus suffered in every way we could, so we could be healed in every way we need. 

What Simon didn't realize is that Jesus suffered the solitude and rejection that Simon so feared in his stead. He didn't realize that his value wasn't connected to the attention that sorcery could scrape up for him, but from God's willingness to claim Simon at the price of the blood of his only Son. Simon needed to be healed of his unhealthy, insatiable appetite for attention and dependency upon the praises of people for his sense of self-worth. Instead of receiving the good news of Jesus' love with joy, this dysfunction caused him to see Peter and Philip as competition and threats to his steady supply of the medicine he had been using to stay numb to the pain that he felt of worthlessness in his soul. 

This is a beautiful thing, but to the dependent and wounded it is also horrifying: the gospel robs us of every crutch. How it does humble the proud and exalt the lowly! It said Simon had been drinking in the praises of men for years. He was so addicted to its intoxicating effects that it was literally worth more to him than his very soul. But we're given at least a glimmer of hope for Simon. When Peter confronts his dysfunction with the simple, powerful truth, it does appear to cut through as Simon "exclaimed" his request for prayer. 

We don't hear anything further about Simon after this. It's never told whether he persisted in his dysfunction until his dying breath, or whether he was freed from his bondage and rather drank of Christ to the satisfaction of his soul. Ironically, Luke doesn't afford the same attention to Simon that he so enjoyed from the least to the greatest in Samaria. Instead of focusing on Simon himself, his story in Acts serves to expose the sinful folly behind religious pretension. It shows that God is not after our profession of faith but our purity of heart; not our nominal conversion but our actual transformation; not our behavioral conformity but our very hearts. God's aim in evangelism is not merely apparent conversions substantiated by professed "belief" and baptism, but exposing and combating Satan's grip on the souls of men. I love that God isn't satisfied with our religious commitments, but truly showing us the place of our deepest and most desperate need and meeting us there. He longs to satisfy our thirsty souls and give us His pure and living water in place of the polluted substitutes of the enemy. 

I wonder how many of us have a little Simon somewhere in our souls. I have very recently, by God's mercy, been made aware of and forced to confront a part of me that was addicted to one of the enemy's crafty substitutes. Despite years of right intentions, right environments, the right heart and intense pursuit, I was simply unable to experience and walk with God in the fullness of what He intended for me. I didn't need to pray harder, pay money, read more books, or serve more in church. I needed God to, in His great love and mercy, expose and confront the area of my greatest need. I needed Him to show me the pure water he wanted to give me that would refresh and satisfy my soul like nothing else ever could. I needed to throw away my medicine and allow His water to wash over my wounds to bring true healing instead of numbness. 

I am so grateful that the love of Jesus is not just broad -- that he is not only burdened to reach every tribe and tongue -- but that it is also deep. I'm grateful that he wants to, as the song that happens to play as I write this states, "cause the coldest heart to find true love and everlasting peace." His love is so deep that he will not stop at our professions. He's not satisfied to have our commitment and devotion, because he knows the limits we have. He's only satisfied when his love has healed our every hurt, when we have been weaned off of every other source and are fully made content in Him. Where we are no longer intoxicated by the deceitful substitutes of the enemy, but rather by the sweet fragrance of Jesus. 

He loves me enough that he refuses to allow me to miss out on experiencing the fullness of His love. That's what we mean by a love that is "relentless." He who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion. My devotion, pursuit is good but has its limits; it is HE who carries it out to completion. What love! Humbled as I am by my limits, I can but marvel at His boundlessness as I lift my cup to be filled to overflowing so I can drink again and again of His intoxicating, satisfying love. 

Staying Sane in God's Process

If I'm honest I'd say that more often than I would like to admit, I find myself feeling as though I'm completely at as loss when it comes to understanding where I am in relation to God's process. Through this seemingly unending struggle, God has worked into me (or perhaps I should say BEAT into me) two truths that have become anchors for my ability to stay confident and have peace through every season.

1) His Voice -- Listen & Obey.
Despite the constant screams from my mind, will, and emotions that are always calling into question where I am, what I'm doing, what "my plan" is, etc -- there is only one voice that I can rely on to be my guide. Sometimes it takes me half an hour of sitting silently in "prayer" before I can even begin to really tune into God, but His voice is literally my lifeline. In this life, we are bombarded with countless voices both from within us and from outside sources that would seek to steer us one way or another. Jesus said, "My sheep know my voice" and "the voice of a stranger they will not follow" (Jn. 10:27; 10). Until I have heard Him speak, I am wandering aimlessly, vulnerable to be led astray by other voices. But when I have heard Him, everything is certain, clear, safe, and hopeful.

2) His Hands -- Trust & Believe.
 Often even after I have heard, I find myself calling what He has spoken into question because life around me does not look like it's headed where I'd thought it would. Every time this issue arises, God brings me back to this scripture over and over again:

"...for I know in whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day." -- 2 Tim 1:12

If I have really put my life, my destiny, my joy into God's hands, then it is no longer on me to make anything happen. Paul does not say here, "I know in WHAT I have believed" but "in WHOM." It's all the difference in the world whether your confidence and peace rests in whether you're making progress toward some visible outcome that you're "believing for" or whether it rests in the knowledge that you have entrusted your life into the surest of hands. He is able to guard it all; I need only to know that His purposes will be accomplished, not that things will go a certain way. He will see to it; I need only to remain in Him, and I will bear much fruit (Jn. 15:7-8).

Hear Him, obey Him, trust Him, believe Him. Let every other voice be silenced, every doubt cast aside, every fear put to rest! Let us say with Jesus, as it concerns finishing our races well:

"Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
    I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
    and I know I will not be put to shame" (Isa. 50:7).

Adventure

ADVENTURE (n.) - "a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome."

This is quite possibly my favorite word in the dictionary. I haven't been able get it out of my head or heart lately. I note two important elements in the above definition that are essential to adventure: RISK and UNCERTAINTY.

Something in the human condition loves the thrill of adventure. It is simply not fulfilling to forever stay within the safe confines of familiarity. But when one seeks to "venture" out of what comes naturally, we quickly encounter the unknown.

The unknown is both our greatest pull toward and inhibitor from adventure. We long for adventure because it is exciting, fullfilling, and thrilling; however, we are afraid of it because there is always risk associated with the unknown.

The beautiful thing about adventure in God, though, is that through trust in His word and His character, the risk of the unknown is eliminated so that we are left with nothing but a joyous expectation of living out God's invincible and perfect will in our lives. Basically, that is to say that as a Christian, we get to enjoy the thrill of following God into the unknown while not having to worry a bit about the risks involved.

How? The "risk" of failure is removed by trusting in His promises:

• He will guide me along the best pathway for my life (Ps. 32:8)
• His call is without repentance (Rom 11:29)
• He is able to guard what I've entrusted to him (2 Tim 1:12)
• He is working in me to will and to do His good pleasure (Phil 2:13)
• He will not forsake me, for his own name's sake (1 Sam. 12:22)
• God's zeal for his own name will see His will accomplished (Isa. 37:32)
• etc!

When you realize that God's will for you doesn't depend on your commitment to Him, but His commitment to you -- not your ability for Him, but His enabling in you -- you will find courage to look beyond uncertainty and begin to walk out God's invincible will for your life.

That's not to say that there is no risk of hurt or disappointment or suffering or loss -- in fact, those are guaranteed (Jn. 16:33)! But true adventure isn't about comfort or ease or entertainment or even fun -- it's about purpose, destiny, eternity! That kind of adventure is not something you can just find with a passport and suitcase. It's even more than risking your natural life like a thrill-seeking skydiver. It's putting your eternal destiny on the line and by faith placing all your marbles in the basket of God's sovereign purposes and sufficient grace unto His supreme glory.

I am persuaded that life in God is the greatest adventure. It is a quest into the unknown where our very lives, the eternal fate of men, and the glory of God are at stake. There is no greater risk you and I will ever face in this life than the risk of missing the will of God, and there is no greater reward available to us than the reward of fulfilling it. Because of this, there is no greater adventure than pursuing the will of God. No matter what it costs or where it takes you, it will be the most thrilling and fulfilling way to live!

Satisfied in His Supremacy

It is something of a rare inclination in my mind or heart that leads me to post on this blog, but it typically happens when out of the stew of my daily reflections emerges something that has some measure of definition or completion to it. Thus, sensing that what I have just transcribed from my journal below is a landmark expression of what's happening in my heart at this pivotal time in my life, I set it here among other such writings in recent years.

6/26/2012 -- Finland. Erkki's house, 10:09 PM.
Interesting day. Slept in, breakfast w/ Erkki, prayed & spoke much. He wanted to pray and did, I kept largely quiet til he suggested I say something aloud. As I began to pull up what was in my heart, the passion reached my eyes before my mouth and tears came before words. I fought for control and pushed the words out that I could.

My confusion is deep, my trials are many, my assurance is thin, my vision is short, my affliction is great -- but life is neither centered around nor dependent upon me. My heart's desire is to glorify Your name, and I know you are able and willing to do that in me. I know that despite my lostness and inadequacy and hurts and helplessness and weakness, you will glorify yourself in me, in my life. So I wait. I put to death over and again the Taylor that longs to worry, to seek his own, to get answers quickly, to have meaning and significance and understanding. I put these to death that God might enjoy supremacy in my heart -- that He become supreme over even my desire to live a worthy, meaningful life.

Establishing my significance is not the goal; exalting God's is. Thus if I am confident in God's intent and ability to uplift His significance in me, then my significance in Him is no longer a relevant worry or pursuit. I don't need to know that you'll use me; I need only to know that your purposes will be accomplished in me. This is my satisfaction and joy and delight and thrill -- that Your glory be praised to the fullest extent possible in my life.

I need no accolades from among men on earth nor angels in heaven; nor must I have the personal satisfaction of having myself built some great monument in your honor. I need only to know that my kernel was indeed planted for your sovereign purposes and your supreme glory.

Indeed, You have no need that men should serve you or your purposes; but that I might find rest for my weary soul, it is my need to exalt your worth to its due place in my heart. There do I find contentment, and in this contentment I must fight to remain, for it is only from that position that my truest and deepest and most worthy worship comes forth.

So I pray, God, vanquish the enemies of Your supreme reign over my heart's affections; preserve my heart for Yourself, that I might honor you fully! This is my deepest desire, the one You gave me -- the living, breathing reality of my salvation. Now teach me only to live from this position, to exalt Your worth in my heart and before all men, that I might truly be to the praise of Your glory. May my life be a strong, sweet fragrance to those who are being saved; may it be a loud song of praise to Your name among the nations! May You draw all men -- these precious ones across Europe, and those in Louisiana, and those in Brazil and India and Panama and Cambodia and Honduras and Singapore and Bhutan and Haiti and Myannmar and Niger --  O draw all of them to Yourself as you are lifted up in me and in your saints! O that the nations praise you and be glad in you, matchless God of glory!

Why I'm in France

Luke 16:11

“If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust you the true riches?”

It’s 2am here in Paris, but I am jetlagged and excited about this verse, so I thought I’d take a second and share something I got out of reading tonight.

Let me begin by saying I believe the apostle Paul perfectly summed up how we Christians ought to live our lives in Phil. 3:12: “I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me.” I structure my life and make my decisions based upon the Holy Spirit’s moving me closer to obtaining, or becoming, whatever it was that Jesus had it mind for me to obtain or become when he suffered and bled for me.

Every inch I get closer to this goal is more valuable than every mile of hardship, difficulty, and expense I’ll have faced in order to get it. These “inches” are the “true riches” of which Jesus speaks in Luke 16. The “unrighteous wealth,” in my view, is the other aspects of life that each of us must manage in order to reach God’s intent: education, talent, money, time, experience, culture, relationships, health, etc.

The “true riches” are the only measure of my life’s value before God, but there are prerequisites and/or supplements to His perfect will. Thus we must be whole in our development, creating value in each area of “unrighteous wealth.” But all is nothing without “true riches.” It’s like my MacBook with all the components but a dead battery: useless. Intimacy with God powers the effectiveness of my life in accordance with his will. It brings life and meaning and fulfillment to what is otherwise full of form but without power.

So why am I here in France? I have a responsibility to develop and manage the “unrighteous wealth” of my life. I must develop the gifts he’s given me (language), move forward in the assignment he’s given me (school), and pursue the inclinations he’s put on my heart (knowing and understanding the world). The point in all of it, though, is only to obtain and make way for the “true riches” of intimacy with God to be fully developed within and expressed through my life.

I will gladly manage a mountain of “unrighteous wealth” if I might only gain another ounce of “true riches!” This pursuit has brought me into many situations and places and experiences in life, but the common denominator is a relentless pursuit of the gold, silver, and precious stones of a life lived for the sake of true riches. I am chasing the will of God wherever He leads me on this earth, even covering thousands of miles to gain just a few precious inches closer to His heart!

Wake Up!

This weekend, at my mom's suggestion, I listened to a message by Paul Daugherty of Victory Christian Center in Tulsa, OK. It shook me.

It was not the content of his message, his engaging speaking style, or some sense of anointing or mandate I saw on him. It was not eloquence, practicality, gifting, or even spiritual substance. No, there was something in his preaching that was more impacting, more powerful than any other ingredient in existence. In a word, it was HEART.

You know, I am a pretty big sports fan. In sports, I like to see winners win. I like to see players like Roger Federer and Tiger Woods enjoy reigns of dominance in a sport. It's the same reason I will be going for the Pats in the Super Bowl this year. I like to see winners win because it proves that their victories were not flukes. There is greatness in their talent, and it is being fully exploited by the effort and heart that they put into their game. Today I saw the highlight from Novak Djokovich's win over Nadal for the Aussie Open. You couldn't help but feel something well inside you as he raised his hands and shouted at the top of his lungs in victory!

In contrast, I'm reminded of the start of the Vikings' season this year with Donovan McNabb in at QB. Hopes were high for the season, but things didn't go well the first few games and we Vikings fans were quite surprised. Week after week, Coach Frazier would come out for the postgame press conferences and cite some new area we're going to work on or measures we're taking to become victorious. Still, as the season progressed, the team did not come together, issues were not fixed, and we ended up 3-13.

The most influential people in this world are not those who have ingeniously planned out every aspect of their lives and executed some master plan that propels them into destiny. They are people who dream, who are driven beyond the extremities of their ability and will stop at nothing to achieve victory. Thinking along these lines in recent month, I once wrote this note down in my phone: "People do not follow complex conclusions, but simple passion."

I have simply decided that in my one-shot life on this earth, if I am going to be an expert at anything, I am going to be an expert at having a simple passion for the life that Jesus had in mind for me to live as he hung on the cross for my redemption. This is my debt, my purpose, my worship, my joy, and my passion.

But it is this very thing that is most elusive. I have spent many moments of prayer asking, pleading, and begging the Lord with tears to keep my heart His own. I'm reminded of the scripture: "Guard your heart above all else; for it determines the course of your life" (Prov. 4:23, NLT). First priority is not DOING things for God; it's remaining UNDONE by Him. If I can remain pliable in the Potter's hands, he is faithful to shape the life of His intent in me.

It was that elusive simplicity and sincerity of Pr. Paul's heart that GRIPPED me in his preaching. It reminded me of those many nights of tears and pleadings. I heard in Pr. Paul's words and shouts and claps God's passion for my heart to be fully His. It was the Lord calling me out of the callousness of heart that comes with busyness and preoccupation and entertainment and social and family drama.

All that is not life!! The scripture states it so clearly: "Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God's Son does not have life" (1 John 5:12). The quality of life I lived in God's eyes is determined by this one sole factor.

He's calling. His blood cries out from the ground for us to hear. "Today, if you hear his voice, don't harden your hearts" (Hebrews 4:7). O Jesus, whatever the cost to me and my interests, whatever expense to my agenda, whatever it means for my plans and my comfort, may the sound of Your call always reach my ears, and may my heart be forever softened, my will be forever broken to listen, to turn back to You and to obey. May you have all my heart, all my focus, and all my fight, forever. May the last breath of my body, tear from my eye, beat of my heart, fiber in my being, and drop of my blood be spent for You.

Some Thoughts

1 Cor. 15:1-2 (NLT) - "Let me remind you of the Good News that I preached to you before...it is this Good News that saves you, if you continue to believe."

“let me remind you” - often we need to go back. Not back in progress, but back to progress. It was never knowledge, never power, never strategy, never influence, never esteem, never skill, never gifts. We must always bear this in mind. May we never ascend so high in our understanding, in our giftings, that we lose touch with the simple gospel that sets us free.

“of the Good News” - when all is said and done -- when we are finished scrambling about, attempting to address problems we don’t understand with a capacity we don’t possess -- when we have learned to quiet ourselves, when our best efforts have proven inadequate, when our deepest insights have proven shallow, when our highest pursuits have proven empty, when our passion wanes, when our hands tire, when our hearts grow faint, when our bodies collapse -- we will be left with nothing but this. The Good News. And it is, and has always been, enough.

“that I preached to you before” - O that cherished “before”! Those who have seen, those whose hearts have been opened, all have a “before.” Before life was this busy. Before I had these questions. Before I faced this opposition. Before I was hurt. Before I messed up. Before I was confused. Before I lost faith. Before I gave up. Before, when I dreamed. Before, when I burned. Before, when it was real. Before, when it was alive. Before, when it was pure. Before, when it was everything. Where have we gone? How have we come here? Does hope yet remain?

“it is the Good News that saves you” - Present tense. Those who are perishing are perishing; those who are being saved are being saved. Like everything else in the Christian life, salvation is not a box we check so we can move forward. It is the experience of a life redeemed. It is the state of right standing with God, of open and intimate relationship with Him; it is a place of safety, a place of trust, a place of fulfillment, a place of reliance, of satisfaction, of peace, of joy. It is -- not because of effort, but by grace through faith.

“if you continue to believe” -- When we find ourselves lacking, what is the solution? If we have already gone wrong, if we have been distracted or discouraged or defeated -- what is left? Simply put, Jesus has no plans to die again. Nothing has changed from His end. He is equally victorious, he is equally good, he is equally loving, he is equally mighty to save, equally able to deliver, equally ready to forgive, equally powerful to restore, equally intent on leading unto destiny, and equally calling for you to come. There is nothing but the Word, nothing but the Good News. Will we receive it, humbled as we may have become by our own inadequacies?

I am reminded of a dazzled Peter, peering through the darkness to see the Son of God walking toward his boat on the water. What was it that inclined him to say, “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come”? When it seems that Jesus stands on the other side of my inadequacy, may I never be found among those still in the boat! May I always find in the sight of His face all the courage I need to answer his call to “come.”