Pure Bride

"Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say.
Forget your people and your family far away.
For your royal husband delights in your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord."

Psalm 45:10-11

The question has been on my mind lately: Is this it?

Jesus said He's coming for a bride without spot or blemish. His bride, as we are all well aware, is the church. If we are to be the pure bride, then we must become purely of God. Altogether Godly, altogether renewed, altogether taken from the vile, unholy, and impure state we were in and fully brought into the holiness (divine distinctness) which Jesus has made available to us.

So again I ask: is this it?

Is my life, are my thoughts, is my preaching, is my attitude, is the way I spend my time, are my affections -- are they "it"? Is this the life Jesus suffered and bled to make me able to live?

My heart burns to become the bride that He desires; to fully prepare myself for my King. Anyone who has seen Him should have the same attitude, because His worth so overshadows everything else.

Can you imagine what this looks like? A human being living as he ought, truly. The perennial question of humanity will ever be "How should I live?" To what end, and in what manner, ought life be spent? To know the One, the Truth, the Answer -- it is a privilege beyond compare.

Yet again I ask: is this it?

God, put a dissatisfaction in us.

Compelled by Love

I've got nothing on my mind or heart at the moment, so let's just see where this goes as I give an update of what's going on with me.

The internship is still going full steam. It seems like it really always is -- the question is whether I'm on board. There are weeks where I feel ready to leave to Africa and conquer the world for the Kingdom in a moment, and then weeks where I find myself dealing with paltry issues of life entirely absorbed in a natural mindset. I've begun to look for evidence of my spiritual progress not so exclusively in ministry numbers or how I feel this week but how much am I really being changed into Christ's image by yielding to the holy spirit and how much are my people being changed. This must sound cliche but you must understand what I mean. It's no grandiose revelation that fruit -- not loudmouthed speech or an exclusive avenue of spirituality someone has carnally spent themselves on to look good -- but fruit is the standard of measurement of a person's level of conformity to Christ.

See, what I seek is to be changed to change. To be wrecked to wreck. To so assault whatever in me is not like Christ so that I can legitimately gain the authority and power to wreak havoc on the work of the devil. As Paul said, "I beat my body into submission." Masochistic? No, but things worked out such that we have a body fit for destruction. If only we could see that suffering its loss -- not physically through death but by yielding (a most uncomfortable venture) to the holy ghost -- we are made like Him.

I hope what I am saying makes sense. This is one of the most impacting revelations I have gained since being here. It's the concept of humbling oneself to be lifted up supernaturally. This is the practical application of "I must decrease, that He may increase." If we really want God to "take it all", as so many of our songs and prayers cry, then why do we shy away from the smallest leading of the holy spirit? Why don't we lay hands on that person in the wheelchair at the mall? Why don't we confess our foolish words to the person we've been talking badly about? Why do we shy away from being the one whose gas money is spent?

I was talking with my good friend about this. If I have a totally new nature that is like Christ, and yet it is evident that I often live in such a way or do something that is inconsistent with the Spirit of Christ, then what is up? My friend was like, "yeah I'm saved, and I'm not looking at porn or lusting after everything in pants, but why do I still from time to time get those thoughts? If these desires have been crucified, then how can they still exist?"

I believe it is because we have settled for a level of holiness that allows us to look good in comparison to one another without that ever-present holy discontentment for greater conformity to His image. There's no discontentment because we're content. The question we ask here is, "I'm all for being like Christ, but why do we really need that discontentment if we're already for sure saved?" This really is a paramount question, the answer to which distinguishes mere followers from disciples.

This desire for more is not to the end of simply being more spiritual but rather it is to the end of the salvation of the world. It comes from recognizing God's vision for the world -- His purpose in creating everything -- and from there realizing one's place in His vision and from there stopping at nothing to please Him by moving forward in faith meanwhile having the fleshly nature being lost in the translation.

We've got to get our eyes off of the fact that we're going to heaven and onto the realities of the Kingdom of Heaven. This thing is bigger than your eternal destination, and I am sorry if someone's preaching gave you a different idea.

Imagine a church full of warriors -- people who have realized these things and march to the heartbeat of the father, who must become like Him to carry His power to conquer the darkness in the world so that God might get what He wants. That's all there is to this thing -- that the Lamb that was slain might gain the reward of His suffering, that the Father who gave infinitely might enjoy mankind eternally, as was His purpose in the beginning. These people are not concerned with how early the service starts, or whether the air conditioning works. Their eyes are on the King, and their love for God that was birthed in them when His display of love (the gospel) gripped them, such that no reward - even of salvation and all the blessings of heaven -- could ever satisfy, save the reward of pleasing Him. These people would give whatever it takes to see Him pleased. They would become so desperate to please Him that they be driven to confront every remnant of carnality that remains in them so they can live in the caliber of Christ likeness required to see this thing done.

Oh, pierce our hearts!

the Contrast of Truth

Let me say as a preface that all of this blog outside what's written between the [added] cursors was written a few months ago. I had it saved and decided to put it up, along with some ranting from today.

Leave me some feedback, it lets me know who's actually reading this stuff.

I most anticipate writing when I write with no agenda. It eliminates the need to preface a presupposed point with introduction that I tend to get lost in which effectively scraps much of my attempts to write something worthwhile. More simply, it helps me get real, fast. It's sort of like how I feel when speaking publicly -- my strategy has become one to make fun of myself and the situation out loud, hitting all my nervous thoughts such that I am no longer attempting to be someone I am not.

I have realized that I cannot change anyone objectively; that is, in my efforts to help people, there is no power in my vision for a person to experience a change that I can see they need if I haven't experienced it in myself. I can't preach a life higher than the one I live. I can't promote a precept that I don't practice. I can't push a change I don't display.

I observe many placating the call to action that they feel from the Spirit of God by preaching, talking about, or at least accepting in the realm of possibility the Christ-likeness in men that would turn the world upside down. In other words, those with open eyes will see what must be done (the world must be saved), how it will be done (through the true gospel), and through whom it must be done (me), and rather than taking the sensible course of putting into practice that which the Word shows them, they talk. And think.

I just don't want to be stuck in a process so long that the world wastes away and goes to hell while we keep worrying about how we're going to be taken up into heaven.

I don't think we need to worry so much about understanding God as much as obeying Him. We're not going to stand before Him on judgment day and have him say "how much did you know about Me?" but rather "what did you do with the cross?"

There's no greater question. The cross isn't just whether our sins have been forgiven. Think of it as a firefighter who died saving you from a burning building and also left you his million dollar life insurance policy. Most Christians are just content to know they're safe and they forget about the rewards of being saved.

Really, we use salvation and the payment of our sins as a license for fleshly enjoyment rather than a means of full spiritual fulfillment. The rewards of the cross aren't of this world, and because of that they are far better. The rewards of the cross have nothing to do with our carnal desires which is why so few pursue them and fewer use them. The rewards of the cross are what enable us to do all that we want to do.

Jesus told the disciples "ask anything in my name and I will give it to you." Why doesn't that work? Because we ask amiss. Our minds are on the level of "I'm free, let's party!" instead of "He has freed me, let's honor Him!" From the true gospel comes true understanding of the cross which always produces a true desire for the rewards of the cross. The desire is not based out of selfish ambition but rather a humble love and is therefore pure. Because our desires have become His, we can ask anything and it will be according to His will and therefore all the riches of heaven are ours to the glory of God.

[added later:]

The issue this thought brings up is one that's been on my heart to confront in writing. It is the issue of a Christian's perception of his salvation's practical purpose. Like, what does salvation add to life now? Is it career success, good kids, balanced budget, some nice friends, a good church, eternal security? If these things describe the best you can think of that being a Christian practically adds to your life, then chances are your Christianity is totally perverted to serve yourself. Look at what James says:

1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

Your desires. There's scarcely a battle in most Christians' hearts anymore. They're so settled in what they have because it scratches the God itch (by religiously conceding the loss of a few earthly pleasures, to make them feel spiritual enough to deserve heaven) meanwhile letting them live their lives at a comfortable level of carnality. I hear Christians who say "Oh, I know Paul said 'it's better not to marry', but I could never go without a wife/husband." In one way or another this concept of an unsurrendered desire exists in probably 90% of the Christians I know, whether it be a career, a home, a country, a dream, a friend, movies, some music. People want to hang on to some stuff. Problem is, well, look what Jesus said...

57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."

58Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

59He said to another man, "Follow me."
But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."

60Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

61 Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family."

62Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

True disciples, true Christians have made up in their minds that this thing is either worth everything or worth nothing. Friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God. You're wholly his or serving two masters. He cannot be your Lord if you are still calling shots in anything. He said "Leave all and follow Me". Having been overwhelmed with the riches of our glorious inheritance over the past few months, I've largely gotten off the message of being truly given to His Lordship. But that is the foundation upon which the house can be built.

A week or so ago we were studying a scripture in prayer stream -- Jas. 5:16.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and produces wonderful results."

The foundation is Christ crucified, as Paul talks about in 1 Cor. But what clears the way is true repentance. Without the framework of Christ's complete sovereignty/authority in a life, there is no room for the great structures of powerful ministry to be built through the use of the aforementioned rewards of the cross. In this scripture, we're instructed to confess and pray so we can be healed. In the context of repentance, the healing this speaks of must be the healing of the scars that sin leaves in a person. I believe sin left unconfessed becomes the holes that ministers fall into later on in life (hence why John the Baptist, in his call to repentance, said that EVERY valley would be filled in, and every mountain made low to make way for Jesus). Only then from the standpoint of a whole, fully repented righteous person can we see power and results. I truly believe that the depth of a person's repentance determines the height he reaches in ministry.

I'm now going to attempt to come full circle back to the issue of self-serving Christianity. See, people today haven't repented of anything. They've become convinced of a coming judgment, and we preach that if they sacrifice sex outside marriage, drugs, alcohol, and pay their tithe, they're going to be okay, and even worse, exactly where God wants them to be. Because of this, there is no vision for anything. That's why 90% of the churches in America get less than 5 people saved in a year. Our heartbeat is not that of the Father. No, in fact it looks much more like that of our father, the devil. What do we have that condemned demons do not, if they also believe in God? That's why we think we're still okay, because "Yeah, but we still believe in God!" But we do not have changed hearts! Jesus said we should show our repentance by what we do. If we do nothing, our repentance means nothing.

"For you are not a true Jew just because you were born of Jewish parents or because you have gone through the ceremony of circumcision. 29 No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people." rom. 2:28-29.

The putting off of the flesh is a MIRACLE. The change of heart that the Holy Spirit produces is the only thing that qualifies a person as saved. A person with a changed heart could not live in Christianity today. My heart was changed, and it made me so dissatisfied that I dared look for something greater than I had seen according to the promises God made me in His word. If I can move a stinking mountain, what am I doing battling pornography? Why is the fight I fight against depression, or gossip, or what have you? No, my battle is the war for the souls for whom Christ gave His all as my example, and my motivation is His heartbeat, put in me by the Holy Ghost.

I believe the time has arrived where we don't want "good" Christians anymore but rather Christians who truly have the heart of God transplanted in the place of their own. From there we capture His vision, and have His power, and who we were and what we cared about and thought was important is all melted away in a love that's too great to understand. This is what life is about!

[end added stuff]

He's itching for us to close our umbrellas that keep the infinite rain of His resources of healing, prosperity, joy, peace, victory, love, etc. and just let Him spoil us.

We believe in a God who loves us unconditionally, yet spend so much fighting to gain spiritual ground in hopes that He might be pleased more with our effort. We endlessly attempt to satisfy conditions of receiving from Him that don't exist.

I'm so ready to just let go and believe God. This is something I say often. Grace coupled with mercy makes the most wonderful gift mankind could ever receive. Salvation from an eternity in hell and the establishment of heaven in your life on this earth all in one bloody package.

Oh, make known to us the riches of this salvation! No longer through endless study, but may we discover You from the inside out. Bear with our weaknesses and manifest yourself through your Spirit. Let us no longer strive in processes and methods but rather receive with the heart of a child from your infinite love. Let us enjoy how good you are to show how good you are. Then you get all you want. Let us conquer by testimony of your greatness, not by any other way.

It's Mine!

There are a few points that I just want to hit on. Hopefully this won't become a production but rather a true expression of what's up.


Tonight I finally arrived back in Panama for the first time in six months. It's a very weird feeling to be back in a place where you once lived -- at least for me -- because it's not strange at all. I sort of knew exactly what to expect and next to nothing surprised me. It usually ends up feeling like nothing has changed in all the time I'd been gone.

But I got home tonight and something hit me that just got me thinking a little about sonship. I went into the kitchen to fill my glass of water during a commercial break for Monday Night Football and I just had an impulse to go look at the fridge. I opened it up and thought, "wow, all this is mine. I don't have to do anything, I have full permission to take whatever is in here and just eat it. It's mine because it's dad's. He bought it for the express purpose of his wife and children having what they need." It took six months of six weekly Chick fil-a visits, ramen noodles, and canned chicken quesadillas to make that sink in.

It's mine. Not mine because I went out and worked and got money and then went to the store and bought it. Mine because all that my dad has is mine. It's the essence of sonship. What the father has, the son has. I don't have to ask dad if I can drink a glass of milk! He'd be weirded out if I did.

You can probably see where I am going with this. It's no hidden gem of insight. But really, something has just broken loose in my mind in these past few months and I'm beginning to realize that God, our Father, is a lot better than we think.

Gal 3:
26You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, 27for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.

Rom 8:
15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

Gal 3:
8Although I am less than the least of all God's people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, 9and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things. 10His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, 11according to his eternal purpose which he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. 12In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

That last one didn't have too much to do w/ sonship, but I don't care because it's so good.

So what does it mean to be God's? If sonship means that all the father has, the son has, then what does that mean I have? Look at all the crazy things Jesus says.

22So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

Anything. Salvation is a joy that no one can take away! There's no such thing as bad news. Anything bad left in this life is a defeated evil. One of the greatest things that I've learned in the past year is that any suffering we go through for the sake of Christ is a suffering of the loss of carnality. Every single thing that we perceive as bad is just fleshly discomfort. There's nothing but good news in Christ. No wonder the message of what it is to be "in His name" is called the 'Gospel' - the Good News. It's always good, every time, in every situation. So what is the gospel for you today? Now? What difficulty are you experiencing? What does the completed work of the cross and all the fullness of God inside of you have to offer your situation today?

If you're poor, Jesus became poor so you could be rich. If you're sick, he took the price for all the sickness that ever did or ever would enter the world on His precious back. If you're in defeat, He suffered the loss of His entirely victorious life over sin and every fiery dart of satan to hand that torch of 100% absolute victory to you every time. If you're in depression or confusion, He took a crown of thorns on His head that penetrated into His clear and perfectly joyous mind so that you could have nothing to think about but how good such freedom is! If your mom died, He is the resurrection and the life. Can He not do it? Has he not already?

This is what your refrigerator is stocked with. I dare you to try to think of a situation in life that the cross is not powerful enough to overcome. Go take a glass of milk. Grab a handful of grapes. Eat some ice cream. You deserve it. Why? Because you're a son/daughter. Because Jesus gave up His spotless and perfect life that deserved every bit of God's highest favor and love and took on all your sins and failures and imperfections, nailing them to the cross. His blood has run over the record of your wrongs from your beginning until the end of time so you could have the relationship with God that He has -- SONSHIP! What do you need from your Abba today?

It's yours! And that's the grace of God. He gave you anything you'd ask for. Did Jesus mean something else? Do we have to meet a certain level of spirituality before we can really see that happen? Do we have to 'get more faith'? He'll give you whatever you want! If you're truly in His name, then you'll automatically want what He wants, because to be saved is to have your heart -- the most base, essential part of you, your totally honest motives -- turned toward Him. That happens when His love touches you. That touch comes from the gospel -- from hearing that He reached across the divide of sin and saved you. That's love that rattles to the core. That's love that can change a person. And whatever we ask in His name -- that is, under the law of Christ, it is ours. Because He's made us sons of God. Because He's become the firstborn of many brothers. Joint heirs.

All that means is that all the Father has, we have. At no point will we earn a healing by getting holy enough to have God trust us with His power. Religion is that incessant argument that says "yeah, 'it is finished', BUT..." But you need to attain some level somehow to where you can receive. Religion's evidence: you don't have it now. You don't see healings now, you don't see riches now, you don't see freedom now. Biblical truth: you have it now. "It is finished." You have exceedingly abundantly above all you could ever hope or think.

Religion uses a visible circumstance to discredit an invisible promise. In other words, it uses a natural argument against a supernatural truth. Because there is still pain in my neck after I pray, there must be some point on which I am messing up such that it can't happen now. So now I'm gonna go off in some quest to find whatever it is I need to see the promise of God come into reality in my life. Because we think we have time on our side, we allow the prospect of a later receipt of God's gift to placate our dissatisfaction with the lack of manifestation of God's promise.

Faith sees the promise of God as truth above anything seen. So rather than falling into the pit of accepting a lie of the enemy -- that God withholds good things from His sons because of x or y -- faith refuses to accept at any point the failure of God. Faith is an eternal commitment to a truth. It is something never given up on. That's why Abraham had to wait. It's a picture of faith being something of endurance. That's why people don't get healed when you get up to go "pray for the sick". Jesus said "heal the sick". That's what I want to do. If you walk up to someone with the intent of seeing them healed by praying a prayer, seeing if it works and walking away whether you see the healing or not, that's NOT faith, because faith endures. It works by love, which also has the quality of enduring all things. So it's not about how long you stay but your attitude in approaching a sick person. Are you praying for them or are you healing? That's just one example of something stocked in the fridge.

Approach God in all the confidence of Christ! Wait no longer, accept no lie of procrastination of the enemy. He said, "no good thing will I withhold from you." There's so much to ask for, and it's fun to ask, because we receive! How do we know? 1 John: Because we know we what we've asked, we've asked of Him! And His love is unfailing, and He is 100% faithful to His word.

GOOD NEWS!

The Heart of the Gospel

I want to get real. There's been something about writing in my life that's made me able to deal with whatever's been bothering me if I will just sit down and write about it.

What has been bothering me of late are the dots. The lack of identifying what they are, and the failure to connect them. The dots connects my present life to the vision I have for this life.

My question: do I really need a process? Look at Joseph, King David, whoever. Procesess. Look at Peter, Paul, Barnabus. Ability to minister was not dependent in Acts Christianity upon how long a person had been in process but rather, I believe, to what extent the person of Jesus Christ had overtaken his identity. I do not need to spend ten years in bible college, serving here or there, becoming a youth pastor, then finally one glorious day be promoted to senior pastor somewhere. I need to know Him.

This adds to my suspicions about the state of Christianity today. I've been coming to think that any lack of faith, devotion, power, unction, or any fruit of righteousness comes from some level of perversion of the true gospel. We can tell the right words and give valid statements in our preaching and yet still be so off. Because the words you say don't matter if what you mean when you say them isn't what they mean when they are said in the bible.

I believe we don't see healings, we don't see "revival", we don't see powerful, "greater things" caliber ministry anywhere because the original gospel isn't really being preached anywhere. Everyone's got their "revelation" that they love to talk about and all these programs and processes and divided up sections for ministry. A whole person will never be changed one issue at a time. That's like trying to create a supplementary meal replacement pill by looking at each nutrient a person needs and all scientifically trying to plaster together some nutritious but artificial food that will contribute to a person's growth. Why not just have them eat a full on meal -- an 8oz sirlion with loaded mashed potatoes and steamed broccolli! That person will grow and enjoy it as they do. We need the natural word, not man's predigested, refabricated attempts and expressing it.

That doesn't mean there's no place for preaching, but come on. Church in America is created to keep believers dependent upon the church to survive. Biblically, that should be so, but not because the believers need to hear another sermon to make it through the week. They need the encouragement of others in the Lord and unity of spirit and things like that, but that's only to keep reaching out. Preaching is for reaching. For spreading the gospel. Biblically, a congregation was just a group of bleievers congregating, where one gives a word, one prophesies, another gives a message in tongues, etc. We don't leave any room for that in our services. We just want to get our word preached and then we go out for the week and live like everyone else (sinfully or not) and come back the next and that's our life.

I don't think that's quite right! As an example, something talked about a ton is thought life. Gettin' your thinking right. Elminating stinkin' thinkin. But we see that as an end and we see process as a means. We see our devotional time, our partnership w/ the spirit of God is so we can think in line w/ the word. Sounds good, but is that really the end? Let's look at what the bible says about thinking: "be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." 1 important word "by" tells us that renewing of your mind is a means to the greater work of transformation which sets us apart from the world. Set apart means holy. He said "be holy as I am holy". So in place of geting my thoughts right to not be down and have a good week at work till next sunday, I'm now conforming my thoughts to be in line with what God says so that I can live on this earth differently -- not like the world. That difference is the essence of holiness. Holiness isn't some weird uber-purity. It literally means being different, being picked out of the norm to serve a greater purpose. And when a person believes what God says and has His thoughts, they live on this earth manifesting the fruit of right thinking. A wise saying you hear in church all the time is that thoughts become words which become your beliefs which become reality. If my thinking is in line with the word, and the word says I'll do greater things than Jesus did, then any situation I find myself in I'm gonna do greater things than Jesus did, because I thought, spoke, believed, and did in accordance with God. And that's how God gets His glory on this earth from my thoughts. "This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit"!

So why do we end up with happy, worldly-patterened Christians instead of holy, earth-shaking Christians? We've perverted the gospel. We quote the right scriptures but we don't take them in light of the full revelation of the scriptures. That's not to say you need to be a bible scholar to take any step in God, but the power of the gospel isn't found in words. It's found in Christ and Him crucified. It's found in the communication of the full truth about what God has done for us. Read Gal. 1, you'll see how Paul was adamant about protecting the original, pure gospel. That's the only place where the power is at.

So anyway, to see what I want to see, the way is the pure gospel. Bonnke says "if you want the original results, preach the original gospel". The pure gospel isn't "Jesus died for your sins" if all I mean when I say those true words is that you just pray a prayer and start coming to church so you'll make it without gross sin in your life and then you can get to heaven. Even if I just hug a leper in the name of the Lord to express His selfless love, that's more the gospel than those five words above. We need the true message of the gospel to be what hits people when they hear our words and see our actions. To get there, we need the true heart of the gospel. It beats for the souls of those for whom our King paid with His life. It does not fail to use every tool given us by God to complete the task of communicating it "to all nations."

May we never settle for less!

let Christ shine through

So I am writing cold, mostly for the sake of updating since I have an hour before I really need to sleep. For all five of my faithful readers I will give a rough outline of my schedule for starters, so you have an idea of why it seems like I've fallen from the face of the earth.

Sunday: Spanish church service from 10-1:30. Every other week I have a team meeting at around 7, and about 8:30 we like to play football or ultimate if we can, but that happens rarely.

Monday: free. Laundry usually takes a good chunk of the day, sports, we've had a couple intern cookouts as well.

Tuesday-Fri (getting lazy): Normal days. From 9am-4pm at least, 6:50am-9:00pm. Each of these mornings I've been getting up before 6:15 to have time to read and do homework and pray. 9-10:30 is corporate prayer, 10:30-1 are school clubs, from 1-3, 1-4, or 1-530 classes. Evening/night services on Wed and Thurs. Ghetto on Tues evenings and meeting w/ intern leader on tues night. Friday night usually free.

Saturdays are supposed to be free as well. Once monthly is an optional class taught by Pr. Joel, and often stuff needs to be done at the church or whatever.

Last week I got four hours of sleep per night four nights in a row. Last night was about 5. Tonight I'm hoping to be asleep by 11:30, an hour and 15 mins from now. My leader is gonna have me write my weekly schedule out in fifteen minute increments for time management.


So that's just a rough outline of what my schedule looks like weekly. If you want to get a hold of me, call Mondays, Sunday afternoons/nights, Tuesday nights, Thursday between 3:30ish and 6, Friday afternoons/nights, Saturdays.

So yeah, a lot going on. Today alone we heard 4 sermons/messages plus two hours of corporate prayer plus an hour of clubs. When I leave home around 6 am Wed and Thurs to class at the South campus roughly 25 mi away, I pretty much don't get home until 8:30pm, which means either pack a lunch and dinner or eat some chick fil-a.

I know since I knew no one from 220 before coming down here, I'll try to give as much information as possible. Club220 is basically bringing some pizza weekly to a school you've been assigned along with an overseer and other interns/220 people where each of you go and get kids to be in your club and you preach to them/connect w/ them and bring them to events or go hang out with them outside school. I have 5 clubs throughout the week: two morning clubs and three lunch clubs, four of them high schools with 1 middle school. I've been working around 30 weekly, which I plan on growing to at bare minimum 50 by Christmas and 100 (or more) by the end. I also go to this ghetto area on Thurs afternoons called Gardere. A week or so ago someone was shot twice, once in the head fatally, down there. Just on Monday night in another area, Zion City (about 4 mi from my house) another 23 year old man was shot 10 times and killed. I go there Tuesday evenings with my intern leader. I don't say that to show off how brave or hardcore I am, if that's the vibe you're getting...just so you know that I'm not being dramatic when i say "ghetto". Like, I used to think Hendersonville was ghetto. ha. These people are suffering, they're often brutal, many are sick, they're poor, violent, visionless, in bondage.

And it's been so hard for me to care. It's been so hard for me to just care about them. To, beyond such a paltry and shallow level as mere ideology, recognize and be "moved with compassion" for those people. And I'm so tired of it. I'm so sick of seeing and even standing in the presence of and praying for the people for whom Jesus gave his life, for whom he set His precious face as flint, for whose sickness He gave His back to be whipped, for whose iniquity He was bruised, for whose just punishment He bore out of nothing more than love and I can't even want to go to them.

I'm not excited to go out to the ghetto. I'm not passionate enough for people or for God to even walk up to a 6'4" black man with gold teeth and dreads w/ a straight bill hat and tell him the good news. I'm more intimidated by his mere physical appearance than I am filled with trust and hope in the Word of God. Is it not a grave insult to the sacrifice of Jesus when we refuse to lift a finger when it comes to getting people saved? Not only is it disgusting and fruitless, it is direct rebellion against the sole charge of Jesus to those who claimed Him as Lord: Go and preach. What is sin? Rebellion against God. Disobedience to His commands. Failing to love and honor Him to the extent which He deserves. To whom have you preached? With whom have I shared the Hope of nations? Who can I present before the Lamb? We make things so darn complicated. We wouldn't have to sit around studying how to evangelize if we'd just believe God.

How about this: if I don't see miracles in my ministry and call myself a Christian, then I make God out to be a liar, because Jesus said "these signs shall follow they that believe." They follow as we go; it's that simple. One of the preachers today quoted Romans 8:19 where it talks about creation waiting to see the sons of God walking this earth. If in a Christian dwells the fullness of Christ, or in our weak terms, if Jesus really 'lives in my heart', then we should do what Jesus did. If we don't then we're not legitimately Christian -- not Christ like, not moving in the power He paid for us to move for, not even witnessing with any bit of the authority and conviction of the holy spirit that He allotted to us having overcome the world and released the HS to us!

Why call yourself a Christian if you aren't at all moving and living as Christ did? You think this is about keeping your eyes off Sally short skirt on the street corner? Death to sin is only the first half of salvation! Look at water baptism, the symbol of salvation itself. We're baptized into His death, putting off the sinful nature, then raised again as a totally new spirit being that has the fullness of the nature and character of God that marked Jesus. I can't be any more spiritual than I am. So Jesus' payment for the forgiveness of sins was only a means to the true purpose of His sacrifice, which was to restore man completely to Himself, as He created us in His own image and likeness. And Christ Jesus is our example of that. He lived and moved as a man with the fullness of God. Doing and saying only what He heard the Father say and saw Him do. Raising dead. And we're to do greater things.

So there's a disparity between Christians today and Christians as human beings reformed into the mold that is Christ. So what is the great diagnosis? Why do we not walk in the fullness that He paid for? Why do we insult His sacrifice by failing to take hold of every last bit of the rewards of it and in so doing give him the glory and satisfaction He deserves?

What we lack is the love of God inside us. We have lust after the self-interested rewards of our perversion of Christianity: eternal security and an enjoyable life. Now eternal life is obviously the greatest reward God can offer us, and enjoying life is the only way to truly glorify God. But heaven is a reward based upon our genuine acceptance of Jesus as savior and Lord, which obviously implies a forsaking of sins and submisison to His Lordship as well as a committal to His will and purposes. And an enjoyable life has not even an iota of import to God or to man in the scope of eternity unless any and all enjoyment comes from enjoying Him. Any other means of satisfaction through money, stuff, a name, a woman, anything is a perversion of the true satisfaction that only He can supply.

So our Christianity stops at its name when it comes to comparing it to the Word of God's description of Christianity. Our Christianity is an insult to the grace and mercy of God and a trampling of the very blood of Jesus. Do we really assume we can fool God into thinking what we really wanted was Him and not license to live to satisfy ourselves in what worldliness has to offer without percieving the sure condemnation that awaits such betrayal? It is the perfect deception of the enemy for us to spend our lives entirely for our selfish interests all the while thinking we are serving God.

So how does the love of God trump such thick darkness over our eyes, such vain and foolish thinking? His love changes you. When you see "this love that surpasses understanding", displayed in all the magnificence of the cross, the true motivation for all our faith is birthed in your heart in the form of love. "Faith worketh by love". You can't be saved by grace thru faith if you first don't have the love of God birthed in your heart by the dark-piercing light of the gospel revealing it to you. How wonderfully beautiful! What a brilliant and infinitely gracious plan! What love! That's the only way to be truly saved! That's what has driven me to the end of myself, to the place where all I am, all Taylor has to look to for satisfaction and drive and give myself wholly to His service because I LOVE HIM! Oh, to know that I love him! To know that it's because by His grace and the power of His gospel His love gripped my heart to the place where I could do nothing less than follow Him back through the layers of the deception of religion and find myself finally touching the surface of the vast potential that is true Christianity. Let all creation see that this human will rise up and step into the shoes of a son of God! Let every devil in hell and those roaming through the earth hear and tremble as ALL the power of Christ breaks through this once darkened mind into living in the fullness of what He paid for!

God said to Gideon, "Rise up, mighty warrior, with the strength you have!" Gideon was the least man of Israel and yet God bore with his foolishness and weakness and faithlessness until Gideon reached the point where he was finally convinced that God really would do what He said he'd do, until he legitimately reached the end of his own will and strength and stepped into the shoes that God put before him. This is me, now. God has endured my own foolishness and doubt and failures all through my life and brought me here to this place where His Word is absolutely and completely undeniable, to where there's no reason for me to go back to my old way of thinking because I know and believe that His way is so much better!

Oh how I love Him! How richly does my precious Lord lavish upon me His tender mercies and grace! How deep is His love! How far it reaches! How longsuffering, how merciful, how completely overwhelming He is!

Man I'd shout right now by my roomie is sleeping. I WILL take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me. I will. I cannot allow myself to fail to honor His sacrifice to the fullest extent of the capability His grace gives me to do so. I'll never step back from this. His love has captured me. I will be a real Christian. I will go, preach, and heal the sick, cast out demons, set captives of darkness free, and make whole the brokenhearted. I will reveal Jesus to this world by losing my identity and in so doing take up His.

Amen.

The Motivator

I've got a couple hours to myself for once, so I figure I should give an update for the ten people who will end up reading this.

The fact that I've been here over a month is neither shocking to me yet nor is it by any means a small thing. Already I feel I've been so far transformed, but at this time I believe it's more in my thinking than anything else. I came here knowing that there was something deeper and more true to the intent of the Father from the foundation of the earth for how His people are to live in their time here. That's my deepest longing -- to please and glorify Him to the uttermost by being pleased in Him to the uttermost. Not simply pleased in feeling secure of my eternity, but pleased to walk in all His divine power gifted to me according to His grace as paid for by Christ. God's not pleased to have me infatuated with Him as a young lover, but rather He longs that I get the love he has for me inside me so fully that it flows out. He's not satisfied to have me simply dote upon him endlessly (although in the right attitude this should be fully possible) but to have me DOING His will, because when His will is done, He wins more of those for whom He suffered.

You know, the good news isn't "man can go to heaven" but "the Lamb that was slain has given infinitely to enjoy you eternally." Most people do not understand this. They hear "it's not about you" and maybe they can end up accepting that. But from there they simply graduate to a more subtle brand of selfishness. Their thinking says "It's not about me. Ok. It's about all men." So from there they go out and learn how to convince as many people as they can (if they have any zeal) to be Christians. It sounds noble. But dare we relegate the gospel to a self-help method -- not the one universally scorned by Christianity but one that applies to mankind's eternity? In other words, dare we be driven merely to improve the eternity of men? "But Jesus died for them!" You need to understand what the angel asks the Lord, "what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you give him breath?"

Man is just an object that God created to love. Man is not the end, it is a means of God getting what he wants: those who freely choose to receive His love and become vessels of it. You're his prized possession. The intern director was preaching a while back and said it like this: "he'd rather have hell than heaven without you." The word calls Jesus "the lamb that was slain before the foundation of the world". God knew before creation that man would fall and he'd have to send His son, Jesus knew he'd have to die before "through Him all things were made". Yet God did it. That's how bad he wants us.

Thereby is our understanding of purpose truly birthed and established. For me to be what He wants me to be, for me to do His will in all its fullness for me, then I must take hold of all He paid for me to take hold of that He might receive the reward of His suffering. I heard of two young men who left their home in England having sold themselves as literal slaves just to reach a community of slaves on an isolated island whose master vehemently hated Christianity. They gave up their lives to bring the gospel to an island of slaves and they knew it. On their boatride out from the harbor, as they disappeared over the horizon, a huge yell was heard: "May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering!" This is the motivation for ministry. This is the motivation for Christianity. This is the gospel. Not that he saved us so we loved him, but that He first loved us.

It's bigger than me, bigger than mankind. God MUST be glorified. He gives so much, he has suffered so much, he has taken so much grief from us. Oh that men would praise Him!


I don't know how I got off into all that but this is one of the things that's been churning inside me, becoming ever more a part of who I am. God is working in me to will and to do his good pleasure. Stay tuned!